Pronunciation Guide (Geo. Hearst version)
¹(Consistent with a recent
study, which found that
scientific articles that end
with a "?" are downloaded
more often, but cited less,
we used one.)
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Southeastern
Cooperative Wildlife
Disease Study (SCWDS)
Nat'l Feral Swine Mapping Sys.
(updated October 5, 2020)
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2008 Presidential results
(by state)
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State by State (26July2012).
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Politico Swing-State Map (26Oct2012).
Analysis.
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Washington Post (26Oct2012)
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Rasmussen (26Oct2012)
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North Country Feral Hogs
(January, 2012)
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|
WTF Moderator: James Egan
Conservative-Republican strategist Jedediah ("Jed") Blandbart
Democratic strategist Grace Throbshaff
(In the interests of transparency, the unedited, unredacted, unabridged, unexpurgated - although somewhat licentious in number of syllables - transcript follows.)
WTF: This evening our discussion will focus on the relationship of feral hog populations to election results, and the potential affect upon the 2012 presidential election. Both of you have had an opportunity to review the feral hog studies, the provided charts, the diorama in the parking lot, and, apparently, a set of unrelated photos from Tiffany Tek Private Carbon Dating Services, which you probably can ignore - for now.
WTF: Yes, let's get going. Jed - no need to raise your hand.
Blandbart: First of all, why couldn't this be done during normal business hours instead of 11:30 at night. It's not like you're doing a podcast right now, or have a live audience, except maybe for that dude on the floor wrestling with computer cables, or that thing nesting on a beam over in the corner. What is that anyway?
WTF: Well, most of us sleep during the day so that we won't be annoyed by current events. And there's the time difference with the U.K., where our publisher is nuptially located.
Blandbart: Yeah, alright...
Throbshaff: My, a bit cranky aren't we Jed? Didn't have a nap today, or are you just concerned that by the time you leave here all the nice ones with suits will be otherwise engaged at your favorite cruising bar?
Blandbart: You know, if you spent less time anointing your hobby region, and more time studying the facts you'd realize that while Obama is over in Hawaii visiting his birth certificate, or wherever he is today, back home the tusks of destiny are fast moving northward signaling his inevitable defeat.
Throbshaff: Yeah, well you can take those Hutchinson teeth of yours and bite...
WTF: It's Joey.
Blandbart: What is?
WTF: The thing in the corner.
Blandbart: You know you invited us here. You're suppose to be the moderator or something. Try to keep up.
Throbshaff: Me.
WTF: What about you?
Throbshaff: Nothing, I'm just completing my thought. ... It's stuffy in here, anything left to drink in the bottles strewn about? ... Whoa, did that nesting thing just throw bones on the floor?
WTF: We don't like to pry. Now, with respect to the data. What say yee?
Throbshaff: What, are you going Amish? Look, the premise is just plain wrong because the data doesn't support it. What you left out are the 2008 election results, when states with feral hog populations, like North Carolina, voted for Obama.
Blandbart: But we're talking about now Grace.
Throbshaff: So some feral hogs are running amuck in rural New York. That's the result of irresponsible capitalism - those canned hunt owners not watching out for the greater good by keeping track of their wild animals. It doesn't mean New Yorkers will vote for Newt Romney or Mitt-rich - except maybe low-information voters in counties with more animals than people, or more people with tusks.
WTF: So, in essence what you are saying is that it's just an unfortunate coincidence, and that feral hog populations are not predictors of future election results.
Throbshaff: You're sharp.
WTF: What about as predictors of past election results?
Blandbart: Yeah, what about that Grace? Looks like's he's got you there.
Throbshaff: You want today to predict yesterday? Again, we have the 2008 election results.
Blandbart: That was an annoyance, an anomaly, an aberration, an abomination...
Throbshaff: You just sticking with the letter A to NOT make your point about this, or are you going somewhere other than all the way to Z?
Blandbart: OK, but there is still the 2004 election. And now several more states, some critical to Obama's re-election, have feral hogs - like Pennsylvania. And if you look at the current polling trends, the pigs have it.
Throbshaff: Not from where I'm sitting.
WTF: Be nice.
Blandbart: Just holding up your end of the conversation? So Grace, of course I'm not in any way suggesting that feral hogs moving northwards are in any direct communication with the voters, but there is, nonetheless, a voting trend there - conservative values, held deeply by many in the South, are coming above the Mason-Dixon line.
Throbshaff: Really? So, as I understand it feral hogs eat anything, and people in the South, judging by the size, also apparently eat anything. Does that sound like a conservative value to you? And I certainly don't want either rooting around in my garden, digging up my special poppies and other medicinal plants. Obesity, porcine or otherwise, is a huge problem in this country. But all that's beside the point...
Blandbart: I hope you really didn't mean what you just said. That's very insulting. Values voters don't root around in gardens.
Throbshaff: OK, maybe I was too location specific, and I apologize America. But let's get real here, there is no science to support this idea slash suggestion that as go the porkers so goes the nation.
WTF: Really? But we made up a lot of nice charts.
Blandbart: Well, you've got to admit Grace, it looks trendy, and that's almost like science.
Throbshaff: I give up. ... And listen, I never did get a straight answer about what's left in the bottles.
Blandbart: By the way, I like the diorama set up in the parking lot. The scene with Joe Biden fighting off wild boars on an Amtrak to Delaware is awesome.
WTF: Thank you. And thank you both for being here.